005 Red Heart - The dead melody
My name is Rai... well you can call me by that name. I will tell you about a story which motivated me (Or rather made me down these years) and I warned you : This is NOT a happy ending.
In this whole life, I always thought that I was a person who didn't have anything. Also, seems like my parents and I couldn't be having time together through me and them couldn't interact each other. Also, almost all of my friends and my teachers at my current school always treat me bad, as I am their slaves, and if I made something mistaken, I always deserved a strike from them, badly.
That day, when I was at Junior high school, I met someone at school's canteen. As I can see, she weren't wearing any school uniform. When I approached her (at a breaktime, off course), I sat in front of her and she ask me to ate some of her cookies made by her mother. I take some of them and said they was delicious. She smiled at me and then she introduced herself. Her name was Emiley, and she gave her right hand. I introduced myself and reject her hand for shake because I am too shy at that time, as I cannot getting closer to any girl I met.
We are talking much at that time, and since that day, everytime I had my breaktime or another time at school, I always saw her and talk much with her. But I wondered why she wasn’t going to school, she just answered, she got dropped out of school since primary 5 class. I was wondering about that, her mother (who always sat beside her) told me that she haven’t any money left for school’s payment.
“That’s too bad,” I said
“But we aren’t too worry, because she can do our housework, also girls might getting married and doing housework instead of working outside,” her mother continued, but from her voice I can hare that she is unsure about what she’s talking about.
We always shared our experience each other. But seems like I always shared to her too much. But all I can got is, she did know how to made me feel calmer and also… I guess she is my medicine, my cure for my suffering to this environement. She did know all my problems, how to solve that… Seems like she was really part of myself. That feeling, that I realized at that time, that I am falling in love with her at first time. First time falling in love to a girl.
Months passed, at these last 2 weeks I didn’t see her at school since then. I met her mother at school and I talked to her, she were looking at me with her bare eyes and give a letter to me, that was Emiley’s address. I asked her, why Emiley didn’t come in these 2 weeks, her mother told me everything, that Emiley got a 3rd stage breast cancer. I shocked a lot and thinking, why did 11th girl would have that kind of cancer? At the first time I don’t believe in her mother, but her mother said, “if you want to meet her, come to our house at that address,” after that she just left me with tears in her eyes and without any words.
I followed the lesson until I’d finished today’s lesson, then I went to her house without any permission to my parents. It’s kinda embarrasing because I’d lost around 4 times, until a kind housekeeper told me that address exactly. How luck. I went to her house and knocked her door, her mother opened the door and saw me.
“We were waiting for you, Rai. Please get inside. Emi wants to meet you.”
I ran toward her room and saw her lying on her bed with her infusion. She looked at me with her bare eyes.
I looked back at her and getting closer to her. I don’t believe what I saw that time. And I always wondering that time, why she didn’t tell me sooner.
“Why you lied to me? Why you don’t said that you’re sick?”
She tell me that she cannot tell me or everyone else about her cancer. Also her parents didn’t have any money to pay for her hospitalized.
“You’re really stupid, don’t you…?”
I was sitting beside her and talked about her conditions. Doctor said that she can be saved if her parents took her to hospital. But she (Emiley) rejected. Because she knows about her parents’ economic conditions, and also she don’t want to made her parents become worse. I shouted at her.
“How can you say that! If you’re gone, think how much pain in their heart!”
She silenced a bit, her mother and her father got inside our room, and I looked at them sharply.
“Don’t put a blame to my parents. But just blame me,” she said.
“I am really don’t understand at all…”
All I couldn’t understand is herself. She knows who I am, she knows all about my problems and cure them, and finally I realized, not only me, but also her parents. She always helping them when they needed her. Her mother told me that she was really an angel, through she wasn’t their real daughter.
I looked at her awhile, and her mother told me to go home or my parents will worry about me. I told her that I will visit her everytime, and I ran away from her house, back to home.
Since that day I skipped my schooltime and I went to her house. Everytime I saw her, she always welcomed me. I really want to take her to hospital and aid her, but she always rejected, made me confuse a lot. But with patience, I always accompany her. I gave a glass of water to her, I told some funny stories to her, also she told me about this short life. I was crying a lot and hoping that she will get well soon, because I love her at the first time, and I tell that to her honestly. She smiled. She answered with these words, the words that I cannot forget until now.
“Don’t worry, Rai. Someday you will find someone who is more kind than me. Forgive me, I cannot accept your love because I am dying.”
I asked her why, she just told me to get along and wait until that time, and she gave me her pinkie; a promise. I promised her that I will life and wait until that time for her, and we promised that we will meet again tomorrow like usual. After that I were heading back to my home, looked at my pinkie, small promise to keep, but really mean in my life.
At the next day I ran to her house as usual. But all I can saw is a white flag around her house, and many people gathered at her house. I don’t believe my eyes, I ran toward her home, and I saw her lying peacefuly at a floor, won’t move, pale-faced. I cannot held my tears anymore. Her mother said that she was gone at yesterday night.
I, after her mother told me that, suddenly I cannot feel myself, seems like in trance (That is the first time Rue approached inside me, another personality), I ran toward her house and threw away those white flags, and I got inside her house again and throw away her altar and her coffin with rage, until her father and some people of there were stopping me. I cannot hold myself up, I don’t remember what I am doing at that time, until her father told me that I must face reality, She’d no longer life, and no one can stop the fate. I blamed him for not getting her to hospital. I don’t remember (again) this part when I am having argument with her father until her father succeed to woke me up from Rue (My another personality). I was crying a lot, and I was getting closer at her, take her right hand, feeling cold, and looked at her face, last face that I can saw from her. Then I looked at her father and said, “The day when she’ll gonna burried, please don’t tell me when and where is it. Because I don’t want to come at that day.”
I hugged her father and keep looking at her. Her mother told me that she is gone, and they will move somewhere else after getting her burried. So that, she told me to forget all about this and make a new page of my life. I refused, how can I forget her so easily? Her father told me, let it remains in memory. I nodded and saw her for the last time, and I went home silently, I wasn’t tell anything to my parents and everyone about this at that time. I kept them as a secret.
Until now, their parents had been moved somewhere else, and since that day, I always keep and fulfill my promise to another people, trying to change myself, and until what I am now.
Thanks for Emiley, I have my life back, just only wait for her or her promise that day…
3rd June, 2012
3rd June, 2012